Changing Tomorrow
by wishiweremaura
Summary: From Jabby to Carby to Luby with a lot of drama, death, and sadness... but some happiness too!
1. Chapter 1

**Collide**

She strolled into work just like every other day. Walking through the crowded triage and past the admin desk packed with staff and friends, but no one seemed to see her. She crawled into the doctor's lounge, while the feeling of loneliness overwhelmed her, then collapsed on the couch. This was the beginning of what would be a very long and terrible day.  
Half way through pouring her first cup of coffee, Malik bursted into the lounge.  
"Abby! Accident on the El. 27 victims! 19 criticals! We need you!"  
A discrete sigh of exhaustion passed through Abby's face as she staggered towards the door. The second she left the safety of the lounge, 27 gurneys were all around her.  
"What happened!" she asked in disbelief.  
"Head on collision on the El… don't know how! 83 vics! 22 DOA. 34 went to Mercy. 27 are here… 19 critical 8 severely injured." Sam ranted as quickly as she could all in one breath.  
_Collision on the El… _Abby thought. _15 minutes after I got off of it… I should've been **late **to work today…_Getting a little behind the line of dozens of gurneys, Kerry shouted orders at Abby.  
"They need you in Trauma 1, Abby! This isn't a show, so don't watch it! Either help or go home!"  
_Help or go home._ The words lingered in her mind. Home didn't sound so bad right about now.. but home was the second to last place she wanted to be. The last place was here. She ran into Trauma 1 and heard Carter giving the current diagnosis.  
"Susan, he was crushed! He obviously has a broken neck! You can't take off the collar! You could paralyze him!"  
"I think he'd rather be paralyzed than be dead! He needs an airway and he's not going to get it by us fighting about it!" Susan ripped off the collar and prepared for an intubation.  
"Do you guys need a hand?" Abby's comment received no replies or even the acknowledgment of her presence.  
"Oh crap!" Susan's face was proof she did something wrong.  
"What! What'd you do?" Carter was either anxious to save his patient or anxious to prove himself right to Susan.  
"Grey matter…"  
"We should've done a femoral cut-down, or a tracheotomy!"  
Mission accomplished. Carter had proved himself right.  
Abby suddenly diverted her attention from the ongoing battle to the monitor.  
"V-Tach!" No answers to Abby's obviously silent remark  
"Flatline!" Again no reply. The brawl went on and Abby took initiative and charged the paddles.  
"Charge to 300. Clear. No change. Charge to 350. Clear. Nothing. 350 again. Clear."  
At this point Carter and Susan realized Abby abducting their patient. Susan started compressions and marked the time. 7:43 am.

"Try again… 400. Clear. Round of high dose epi!" Abby was desperate.  
"He's maxed out." Susan had a look of misery on her face.  
"What are you doing? Resume compressions! Charge to 450. Clear." Abby's face was painful to watch.  
"Abby… ABBY! You've been going at it for 47 minutes! Let it go. He's gone!" Susan hated doing it, but Abby's pain was starting to hurt her.  
"This is all your fault! If you hadn't been so afraid to do a femoral cut-down or tracheotomy like Carter suggested he wouldn't be dead! Why can't you just listen!" Abby couldn't control herself. She ran out of the room in complete anger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Lost and Found**

No one saw her leave, so only Susan knew she was mad. Carter had left the room when it was obvious the man wasn't coming back. He, too, blamed Susan. Susan went on with the other patients, and not until all 27 were either dead or in the ICU did Susan realize she hadn't seen Abby since the first patient. She checked the lounge. Nothing. She checked the cafeteria. Again, no luck. Getting worried she ran through triage, admin, and every trauma, exam room, and curtain area. Abby was no where to be found.  
"I'm taking my break. I'll be back as soon as I can. If you see Abby can you page me?"  
"Sure Susan, is something wrong?" Sam sensed Susan worrying but didn't know what about.  
"I don't know yet. I hope not." And with that Susan ran out into the ambulance bay as the beginning of her search for Abby.

She called her house, her cell, tried her pager, checked Doc Magoo's across the street, even went to a nearby AA meeting. Abby was nowhere.

Susan jumped. Her pager had gone off. She picked up her cell and called the hospital. Sam answered.  
"What's the news?'  
"Abby called. She apologized for not leaving a note or saying anything. She said she had gone to take a walk and blow off some steam. She needed a cigarette. She traded the rest of her shift with Chen who's coming in now. She had something important to do."  
"Did she say where?"  
"She just said "I have something important over on 13th"" Sam was confused as to why Susan was so concerned. "Is there something wrong?"  
"Abby stormed out of a trauma today after I killed a patient. She was really mad and I haven't seen her since. I just hope there's nothing wrong, but I want to talk to her."  
"Ok well sorry I can't be of any more help! 13th street is all I've got."  
"Thanks Sam!"  
"Anytime! Good luck! Call if you have an update!"  
"Will do."

13th street. Not much for miles. A few restaurants, hair saloons, video rentals, and some doctor place that looked so abandoned. _I'll try the restaurants first _Susan thought. _Maybe she had a date?_ Susan went to every restaurant on 13th. Abby wasn't there. She tried the video rentals and hair saloons, but nothing. Susan, confused, walked up to the door of the abandoned-looking doctor's office. The sign read "Dr. Alverson's Abortion Clinic." And it was open! Puzzled, Susan walked inside. She had almost given up hope when turning for the door she spotted some familiar looking green scrubs in a cubby like 2nd graders receive instead of a locker. She walked up to the scrubs, took them out of their box, and read the name tag. "Dr. Abigail Lockhart." Susan was overwhelmed with excitement that she had found Abby! She ran through the tiny office and into one of the rooms looking for Abby. Finally she found her.  
"Susan!"  
"Abby!..." Her excitement turned to fear. Her mouth wouldn't close. She finally realized why Abby was there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Secrets**

"Susan! What are you doing here!"  
Abby was frantic.  
"I was about to ask you the same thing! What the hell happened, Abby! What are you doing!"  
Abby's rage suddenly turned to sorrow.  
"Susan, please don't be mad!"  
"Abby, what happened?"  
"I don't know. But don't tell Jake!"  
By this point, Abby was pleading with tears strolling down her face.  
"ABBY! He doesn't know about this! Is it even his?"  
"Of course it's his, Susan! But no, he doesn't know so please don't tell him!"  
Susan calmed down and decided to play along in Abby's game.  
"Okay, Abby. I won't tell him. But I think you should."  
"NO! NO NO NO NO! I can't!"  
"I think you need to. Why can't you?"  
"I got scared. Jake doesn't know I was pregnant. But we were trying to be. But I got scared. He'll kill me if he finds out!"  
"No he won't, Abby! If you guys were trying to get pregnant, then he loves you. He wouldn't kill you."  
"Whatever. I still can't tell him! And neither can you!"  
"Ok ok! I won't tell him. So how long have you been here?"  
Abby looked at her watch. It read 8:06. Susan had been gone from the hospital for over an hour.  
"Um… almost 12 hours."  
A woman came in with Abby's clothes and said she was ok to leave whenever she was ready. Abby thanked the woman and started to change, ignoring the fact that Susan was standing right in front of her. Susan looked at her.  
"Abby?"  
Abby responded with a somewhat guilty tone.  
"Yea?"  
"What is that? Abby!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Carter's Confrontation**

"It's nothing"  
"It's not nothing, Abby, you have bruises up and down your body!"  
"I SAID IT'S NOTHING! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE"  
Abby started sobbing and ran away, out the door, and down the street, struggling to get her shirt on. Susan, shocked from everything she was learning, decided not to chase her. Instead she sat down and sighed, trying to figure out what to do. 3 minutes later Susan stood up and started walking over to Abby's apartment, just 3 blocks down the road.

"Abby, open the door. Please, it's Susan just open the door!"  
Abby didn't respond. Once again, Susan's pager went off. She had forgotten that she was working. Susan hesitated to leave, but figured she's been beaten by Abby for now. She raced over to the hospital to find out what the emergency was.  
"Kerry was asking where you were for the past 45 minutes. Sorry I had to interrupt you, but I thought you would want to keep your job."  
"Thanks Sam. It's fine, I found Abby. She ran away from me and won't come out."  
"Is she ok?"  
"Not really. I found her at an abortion clinic. And she had bruises all over her body. I'm worried about her, but she won't let me help her."  
"Who do you think did it?"  
"I have no idea. I don't think it would be Jake, but I really have no idea."  
"But, my God, she was at an abortion clinic?"  
Carter walked over just in time to hear Sam's remark.  
"Who was?" Carter asked.  
Susan, without thinking that maybe Abby didn't want her secret spilled, quickly responded "Abby."  
"Are you serious?"  
"Yea, she doesn't want Jake to know though. So don't tell him, ok guys?"  
Carter was astonished. He continued on his rounds and, within 20 minutes, spotted Jake. He stormed over to Jake.  
"How could you do that?"  
Jake, confused, asked "Do what?"  
"Did you make her do it? Did you get scared that you'd get in trouble? Did you decide you weren't ready? Or did you just decide you don't love her?"  
"What are you talking about? Love who? Abby?"  
"Yes, Abby!"  
"I really don't know what you're talking about."  
"If you love her, then great, you can have her. But don't go making her have an abortion. If you love her, then show it."  
"Abby's pregnant?"  
"Not anymore!"  
"What! You mean she had an abortion?"  
"You mean you didn't know about this?"  
"No I didn't know! … um I have to go… I'll see you tomorrow."  
Jake in a fear-stricken moment ran out of the hospital into the ambulance bay and threw up. After recollecting himself, he picked up his phone and called Abby. She didn't pick up. He tried her cell phone. The sound of Abby's crying voice was now on the other line.  
"Abby?"  
She didn't respond, but he could hear her crying.  
"Sweetie… you had an abortion?"  
Abby stopped crying with a huge gasp. _Is it a dream? Or does he really know?_  
Abby hung up the phone instantly.  
"Sweetie? Are you there? Abby?"  
No one was on the other line.  
Abby fell back against the wall of the public bathroom stall she's sitting in. She looked around as if looking for an escape. Instead she just dug her eyes into her knees and wept.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hit Where It Hurts**

"Susan, you might want to get over here! Quick!"  
"What is it, Sam?"  
Sam ran in with an occupied gurney, Jake following quickly behind.  
"It's Abby."  
"Oh my God what happened?"  
Jake answered, "I called her. I asked her if she had an abortion. She was crying but she wasn't talking. Then she hung up. She hadn't picked up her home phone but she picked up her cell, so I went out looking for her. Finally I found her in a bathroom stall in one of the bars she goes to. She was passed out and I couldn't find a pulse, so I got her here as quickly as I could!"  
"Oh man… ok, Sam, I need a… uh… blood alcohol…tox screen… EKG… and… BP"  
Susan could hardly get the words out. _Somehow, this **must** be my fault _Susan thought. She choked on each word as she saw her best friend almost lifeless on the table in front of her. Susan leaned in to check a pulse, but couldn't find one. Jake noticed she wasn't breathing and told Susan to tube her. Carter passed by and noticed the commotion going on and rushed in to help. Just as Susan started to tube, Abby began seizing. Susan yanked the tube and laryngoscope out of Abby's mouth and tried to hold her head steady with tears now pouring out of the blonde's eyes. Carter ran and got 5 of haldol and without hesitation jammed the needle into Abby's jeans. The seizure calmed down and Abby's heart monitor was reconnected. Flatline.

Jake was going crazy.  
"Someone! Do something! You gotta help her!"  
"Jake, this is as hard for us as it is for you. But she's a doctor. She knew what she was doing and exactly how much she had to take in order to succeed. We've been shocking her heart for the past 94 minutes. There has been no heart activity for 76. If this was anyone else, we would've given up an hour ago. I'm sorry Jake…" Susan gets interrupted.  
"NO! NO THAT'S NOT IT! KEEP GOIN! GIVE HER ATROPIN, DOPAMINE, SOMETHING! YOU HAVE TO HELP HER!"  
Jake collapsed into tears on the trauma room floor.  
"Jake, I'm sorry" Susan, who had been crying since Abby was wheeled in sat down on the floor with Jake and held him while he rocked back and forth as if that would bring her back.   
"Call it." Susan said to Carter, but Carter made no attempt to say the assigned line.  
"Fine if you're not going to call it, then I will!" Susan trying to hide her pain with aggression "Time of death… 12:47 AM"  
With another great sob, Jake and Susan left the room with Sam to tell everyone about what happened and to get a death kit. Carter was alone in the room with Abby's body. Hovering over her, holding her hand for the last time, Carter whispered in her ear  
"Abby." He started to break down crying, but drew himself together to finish what he has always wanted to tell her.  
"Abby… I love you."  
Carter kissed her hand, but realized this was the last time he would be kissing her and decided to kiss her cold lips. She lay on the table so peacefully. She wasn't smiling. She lay there like she spent most of her life. Alone and sad. She died the way she lived. Carter couldn't take it any more and left the room with water droplets rolling down his face. On the way out, Carter ran into Susan. They started to talk about Abby. When they reached the doctor's lounge, Susan turned around to Carter and said "It's ironic… don't you think?"  
"What?"  
"Today when I found Abby in the abortion clinic she begged me not to tell Jake. She said he'd kill her. Instead, you go and tell him and she ends up killing herself. So I guess we're even. I killed 1, you killed 1."


	6. Chapter 6

**The Letter**

Jake couldn't finish the rest of his shift. He went over to Abby's apartment and broke down once he entered the door. He then walked into her bedroom and sitting nicely on the bed, saw a white envelope with "ER Gang" written across the middle. He opened it and started to read.

Dear Jake, Susan, John, Sam, Luka, and anyone else who cares to listen,  
I'm really sorry. It became too much for me. I tried to be strong, but I don't think I was fooling anyone. If I was, then I'm sorry that this came as such a surprise. But I definitely wasn't fooling myself. I have learned a lot today. I came in to work after just finding out I was pregnant with Jake's child. No one even noticed my existence. I was pulled into a trauma and sat in the room for 5 minutes before Susan or Carter realized I was there. Susan killed a patient because she forgot to act in his favor. Carter, you were right. Femoral cut-down would've worked and saved his life. I then left for the abortion clinic and (what else would I have done there?) had an abortion. (I'm sorry Jake, I got scared) I begged Susan not to tell you, Jake. And I still don't know who it was that she told, but somehow it got to you. I expected you to talk, Susan, so unless you told Jake, I don't blame you. I got a phone call from Jake while I was sitting in the bathroom stall of a bar. He knew. I was distraught. I'm sorry. If you get this in time, I took 59 Lunestas (a new sleeping pill). One for every time I wrote in my journal the phrase "I failed…" So I'm giving you a chance to save me. Luka, John, and Susan. You guys know how to treat this. So, I guess, I'm putting you to the test. I took them with water, not alcohol. Actually, Carter, I didn't have a single drink today. If you find this in time, I'll be with you when you're reading this letter. Thanks for trying, I trust that you did. You were all great friends and I'm lucky to have had you. The one good thing in my life. I love you all, no one more than another. And as a last thing to say to you all before I go is always remember… sometimes you need to run away, just to see who will follow.  
Love,  
Abby


	7. Chapter 7

**Memory Blanks**

Sweat streaming down his face, Jake sprung up in the bed as if something had bitten his back. Slowly and miserably, he trudged into the shower and let the water fall down his body. Getting ready for work was so hard to do that morning. The day after Abby's death. He eventually made it to the El and managed to hide his tears once he got in range of the hospital. He then hurried because he noticed his watch already read 7:31. At the door, he hesitated to enter. He didn't want to see the hospital when he knew Abby would never step foot in there again. All he could think about was her letter. "If you find this in time… you guys know how to treat this. So, I guess, I'm putting you to the test." He tried ignoring every noise around. It could only remind him of Abby. But he couldn't ignore it all; in the back of his head he heard Sam's voice.  
"Head on collision on the El… don't know how! 83 vics! 22 DOA. 34 went to Mercy. 27 are here… 19 critical 8 severely injured."  
It sounded all too familiar. Was this really happening again? Or was it deja-vous? But it did really happen! He saw her die! He read her letter! Thinking about it, Jake could no longer remember what the page said. 27 gurneys then wooshed by him catching him off guard. He wheeled around and words could not describe his shock.


	8. Chapter 8

**Déjà-Vous**

"Abby?" Jake rubbed his eyes trying to make the ghost leave… but it didn't. Then one more sentence was all he needed to believe it.  
"They need you in Trauma 1, Abby! This isn't a—"  
He needed not hear anymore. He spun back around to Abby to get another look, then ran ecstatically into the lounge where he fell into pieces crying on the couch. Tears of joy? Sadness? Fear? Confusion?

Hours later, Sam approached Jake to ask him if he knew where Abby was. A gleaming smile left his mouth at the sound of her name, so he couldn't really make sense of what was happening.  
"No, sorry." Was all he could make out.

After what had seemed to be the longest, strangest day every, Jake was walking out of the lounge on his way home. But before he could make it to the door, Carter was behind him yelling.  
"How could you do that?"  
Jake was confused, but figured Carter was talking to him, so he turned around.  
"Do what?"  
"Did you make her do it? Did you get scared that you'd get in trouble? Did you decide you weren't ready? Or did you just decide you don't love her?"  
Jake, still confused as to where this was all coming from, responded "What are you talking about? Love who? Abby?"  
"Yes, Abby!"  
"I really don't know what you're talking about."  
"If you love her, then great, you can have her. But don't go making her have an abortion. If you love her, then show it."  
_What is happening?_ "Abby's pregnant"  
"Not anymore!"  
_She was pregnant? _"What! You mean she had an abortion?"  
Carter was no longer angry, but, instead, just as confused as Jake.  
"You mean you didn't know about this?"  
_Um… um… um… um…_ "No I didn't know… um I have to go… I'll see you tomorrow."  
Jake ran out the door before he could even finish his sentence. After vomiting in the ambulance bay, Jake called Abby's apartment.  
"Hi. It's Abby. Leave me a message."  
He hung up and dialed her cell phone. It stopped ringing but the only proof anyone was there was the occasional inhale followed by a sob.  
"Abby?"  
Another sob, but no answer.  
"Sweetie… you had an abortion?"  
The crying stopped, along with the breathing. Then the line went dead.  
"Sweetie? Are you there? Abby?"  
The only reply was the monotonous buzz of emptiness. Jake sat down to think, and remembered earlier that morning with the 27 El victims. It had happened before. Then he realized he had the same conversation with Carter yesterday. That was when it struck him. Today was exactly like yesterday. Or maybe yesterday didn't happen, but instead he already saw today. If that were true, Abby was going to die soon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Changing Tomorrow**

He had to think long and hard what he did "yesterday." _She didn't pick up her home phone so she must be out. _He got in his car and remembered. A white envelope with "ER Gang" written on it. It seemed important. He had to find it! But where was it? The picture was blurry. What was that thing it was laid so nicely on? He recognized it like he had been there so many times. Then it snapped. _Her bed! The letter is on her bed._ He raced to her apartment and opened the letter.

_Dear Jake, Susan, John, Sam, Luka, and anyone else who cares to listen,  
I'm really sorry. It became too much for me. I tried to be strong, but I don't think I was fooling anyone. If I was, then I'm sorry that this came as such a surprise. But I definitely wasn't fooling myself. I have learned a lot today. I came in to work after just finding out I was pregnant with Jake's child. No one even noticed my existence. I was pulled into a trauma and sat in the room for 5 minutes before Susan or Carter realized I was there. Susan killed a patient because she forgot to act in his favor. Carter, you were right. Femoral cut-down would've worked and saved his life. I then left for the abortion clinic and (what else would I have done there?) had an abortion. (I'm sorry Jake, I got scared) I begged Susan not to tell you, Jake. And I still don't know who it was that she told, but somehow it got to you. I expected you to talk, Susan, so unless you told Jake, I don't blame you. I got a phone call from Jake while I was sitting in the bathroom stall of a bar. He knew. I was distraught. I'm sorry. If you get this in time, I took 59 Lunestas (a new sleeping pill). One for every time I wrote in my journal the phrase "I failed…" So I'm giving you a chance to save me. Luka, John, and Susan. You guys know how to treat this. So, I guess, I'm putting you to the test. I took them with water, not alcohol. Actually, Carter, I didn't have a single drink today. If you find this in time, I'll be with you when you're reading this letter. Thanks for trying, I trust that you did. You were all great friends and I'm lucky to have had you. The one good thing in my life. I love you all, no one more than another. And as a last thing to say to you all before I go is always remember… sometimes you need to run away, just to see who will follow.  
Love,  
Abby_

_59 Lunestas! Which bar! Ok… I'm Abby. I'm depressed. I'm sitting in the bathroom stall of a bar. Which bar would I want to die in? Aww man I have no idea! The only bar she ever went to anymore was "The Lava Lounge" ……… worth a shot!_

Jake was speeding down the road and, within 15 minutes, was inside the hawaiian-themed bar. He bursted into the girl's bathroom and received many strange looks. He broke open each stall door before finding Abby passed out on the floor.  
"ABBY?"  
He checked for a pulse. Nothing. Then followed a 10 minute drive to the hospital with her head in his lap the whole time. He met Sam outside the door.  
"Susan, you might want to get over here! Quick!"  
"What is it, Sam?"  
Sam ran in with an occupied gurney, Jake following quickly behind.  
"It's Abby."  
"Oh my God what happened?"  
Jake answered, "I called her. I asked her if she had an abortion. She was crying but she wasn't talking. Then she hung up. I went to her place and found this on the bed.  
He handed Susan the opened letter.  
"I read it and chose to check "The Lava Lounge" first. She was there passed out in a bathroom stall. I couldn't find a pulse, so I got her here as quickly as I could!"  
"Oh man… ok, Sam, I need a… uh… blood alcohol…tox screen… EKG… and… BP"  
Susan could hardly get the words out. _Somehow, this **must **be my fault_ Susan thought. She choked on each word as she saw her best friend almost lifeless on the table in front of her.  
"Um wait, blood alcohol and tox screen aren't necessary. She wasn't drinking and she took 59 Lunestas. Some new sleeping pill."  
"How do you know that?" Susan inquired.  
"It's in the letter. 59 Lunestas with water. No drinks all night."  
"Jake, she's an alcoholic-- "  
"BUT SHE WASN'T DRINKING!"  
"Ok. Sam, cancel the blood alcohol and tox screen."  
Susan leaned in to check a pulse, but couldn't find one. Jake noticed she wasn't breathing and told Susan to tube her. Carter passed by and noticed the commotion going on and rushed in to help. Just as Susan started to tube, Abby began seizing. Susan yanked the tube and laryngoscope out of Abby's mouth and tried to hold her head steady with tears now pouring out of the blonde's eyes. Carter ran and got 5 of haldol and without hesitation jammed the needle into Abby's jeans. The seizure calmed down and Abby's heart monitor was reconnected. Flatline.  
"Abby wrote in the letter that you would know how to save her. That, in a way, she guessed she was testing you."  
Susan's face showed her thoughts.  
"Ya, well, I hope I don't fail…"


	10. Chapter 10

**Dominance**

"I still don't understand why. Why her? I never thought she'd go this far. Of all the people we see everyday, I never thought I could care so much about the outcome. Everyday. They come in, we try to help them. Maybe we save them, maybe we don't. We make the choice of life and death everyday. And everytime someone dies I wonder what we could've done more. But I've never blamed myself."  
"Jake, you shouldn't blame yourself. This wasn't your fault."  
"That's where you're wrong, Susan. You may blame Carter for cheating on her and leaving her and trying to fix her and maybe even ruining her. But he loved her. We both know that. You may blame yourself for not chasing her to wherever she ran away to. Not trying hard enough. You may blame Sam for paging you back to the ER when, maybe if you hadn't left, you would've realized she wasn't there and went to go find her. Maybe then I wouldn't have found out. But I blame myself. I wasn't there for her. I didn't make sure she was ok. I didn't care about her past, only her future. I just made myself believe she was a new package, but she's not. She was damaged goods and I acted like she was perfect. She needed more than I gave her."  
"You gave her all you could, Jake. You did a great job. Don't blame yourself. You're the best thing that ever happened to her."  
"What are you guys talking about?"  
"Oh hey sweetie! I didn't know you were up. How are you feeling?"  
"I'm fine, Jake." Abby said with a giggle and a smile. "You know, guys, I never did really get to thank you."  
"For what?"  
"I know it was 3 weeks ago, but I never really thanked you for all you did for me. Everything. Looking for me, talking to me, helping me, saving me. I owe you guys so much."  
"Don't expect any less. You mean the world to me, Abby."  
Susan sensed her presence was no longer necessary and slipped out of the hallway outside of Abby's hospital room to leave Jake and Abby alone. The couple shared a sweet glance then, hands clasped, walked slowly to the ER for a friendly surprise visit.

The instant the two walked into the elevator lobby, Jake saw Carter happily having a discussion with Susan. He suspected they were talking about Abby. Everyone was. Then as if in slow motion, Carter turned around and his smile dropped into a growl. Jake saw Carter's fiery eyes glaring directly into his own. Before Carter could get three steps closer to the couple, Jake asked Abby to get them some cokes. Abby joyfully accepted, seeing as she hadn't had anything stronger than water in 3 weeks.

She turned around to head back to Jake, 2 cokes in hand, and saw what she thought was just an illusion. She rubbed her eyes, but it didn't go away. Carter and Jake were in a fist fight. Carter threw a punch across Jake's cheek bone which sent Abby running over to be the hero. They didn't notice her presence.  
"Guys! What are you doing?"  
Carter and Jake threw verbal attacks back and forth.  
"You could've killed her! How could you do that to her?"  
"I didn't do anything to her! You're the one who left her!"  
"You're right, I shouldn't have! I should've kept her so she didn't end up with you."  
Abby realized they were fighting about her.  
"Stop it! Just stop it!"  
No one heard her or they just didn't choose to acknowledge her. Abby stood partially behind Jake when Carter threw a punch and Jake ducked, making Carter clear knock Abby in the face. She fell down in pain, clenching onto her face with all her strength. The fought broke up and the two enemies rushed down to take care of Abby. Now it was a competition of who loved her more, who could take better care of her.

Susan ran over to Abby with a gurney and after they helped get her on it, both men started following her into the room.  
"No. I don't want to be around you. Either of you."

Soon after the incident, Abby's films came back. But when Susan went in to go over them with her, she only found an empty bed. Abby had walked home alone.

The walk seemed longer in the dark, face throbbing, and eye sight blurred because only one eye would open. She turned a corner and got a weird feeling that someone was following her. She turned around and saw no one. She started walking faster. Now she heard the hurried foot steps gaining on her. She led off into a sprint to her apartment, opened the door, slammed it, ran upstairs, opened her door, slammed, locked, bolted, and chained it. She turned on every light as she made her way through the small rooms. On the counter, she spotted an un-open bottle of wine. Abby grabbed it and a nearby phone and ran into the bathroom, closing and locking the door after she had entered. She sat down on the side of the bath tub and turned on the water. Then she walked over to the toilet, sat down on the lid, and sipped then sobbed then sipped then sobbed. After the bottle was empty, she dug her face into her hands and cried and cried. She looked up at the phone that was resting on the sink. Taking it into her hand, she contemplated calling Jake. The phone went back onto the counter and her eyes went back into her hands. Night turned to day and Abby hadn't slept at all. Tears glued to her face and her eyes completely bloodshot, Abby turned off the bath tub and went back out into the living room. She slipped into a new pair of pants and tied her shoes. Peering through the peep hole just to make sure no one was there waiting for her door to open, she finally decided it was safe and started on her way to work still wearing a tear-splotched face and the same shirt from the day before.


	11. Chapter 11

**Faces**

Every patient has a face. Every face is different. Different shape, different colors, different structure, different details. The eyes are all different shapes, sizes, and colors. The noses, the lips, the ears. Every face is distinct and completely different from another.

Abby drifted from patient to patient, from face to face, memorizing every feature about each face and adding a name simultaneously. Hard work, but the super-doctor managed to do it. Each face had a story to tell and she listened and learned. Her work was her way of letting go of the real world and allowing herself to be someone better, someone who could help. Not afraid, not weak. Patient to patient, face to face, every eye color, every curve of the lip, every pierced ear, nose, eye brow, she remembered. Maybe she remembered every face a little too well.

The troubles of the recent days were slowly drifting away as she swam through the waters of the crowded ER. Her mind was no longer on her incident from the night before nor the still throbbing pain of her cheek from Carter's strong fist. She was determined to get through a shift without a recurring memory of her past failures. But some other greater force was determined to ruin her dream and make her miserable.

Adrienne Hanson. Prefers to be called Adi. 13 years old. Complains of dizzyness and nausea. Recently recovered from first round of chemotherapy. Diagnosed with leukemia 6 months ago. Family history of heart conditions and high blood pressure. Blue eyes, blond hair, single pierced ears.

Abby liked this girl. She was the perfect age, right before things get too complicated and right after your parents have realized you're not a baby anymore. Cute name and even cuter face. It made her sad that Adi had cancer and had to go through the sicknesses of chemo before she could even drive. She hoped that Adi would be ok, but tried not to get too emotionally attached to her patients.

Blake Donovan. 3 years old. Recently recovered from car accident in which his right leg had a tib-fib skin-penetrating fracture and a mild concussion. Complains of numbness in his right lower leg into the foot. Mother suspects a complication with his surgery. Father and pet dog "Fishy" were both DOA after the car accident. Red hair, green eyes, pale skin, long eye lashes, button nose.

Peds cases were the worst for Abby to deal with. Seeing the young children suffer was almost the hardest thing to deal with in the world. They have yet to experience the joys of life and already have to go through the pain and misery of reality. Blake was one of those cases where Abby had to lie and say she needed supplies so the mother and boy didn't see the tears swelling up in her eyes. 3 years old and already skin-penetrating leg fracture, surgery, and he had to watch his father and dog die. She needed a break from this heart-break case so she went on with all intentions to come back to him after the red from her cheeks dissolved away.

Melinda Levine. Prefers to be called Mindy. 17 years old. Complains of throat pains such as burning when swallowing and talking and coughing. Sexually active. Boyfriend's name is Derek age 21. Doctor suspected diagnosis: gonorreia. Brown hair, hazel eyes, perfectly straight, sparkling teeth.

17 and already an STD. Abby was 40 and the "ER slut" and she has yet to catch an STD. She didn't really like to imagine things like that. It was ok for her to do it, but it was gross for others to.

Cole Clayton. 44 years old. Complains of a suspected sprained ankle. Says he fell while running last night. Abby looked up into his face to listen to his story as she usually does when not too busy writing. Black hair, brown eyes. A picture flashed into her head.  
"Um, how did you say you sprained it?"  
"I was running last night. I fell down and sprained it."  
"Oh..."  
The picture flashed again. It was more recognizable this time. The face. The man. Running. She got away. Because he stopped. He fell. She lived because he tripped. Was this the man who chased her the night before?

Too many questions rushed through Abby's weakening mind and sent her rushing off into the lounge. She flooded to her locker, jolted the lock open, and slammed her hand about as if looking for something. She found it. Her hand came down on the bottle and made a noise like a maraca. She retrieved the hidden treasure and popped a few of it's contents into her mouth then gripped at her face like it would fall off it she didn't hold it in place.

She stumbled out of the lounge and glanced back at her patient. She ran to the elevator and onto the roof looking for somewhere to be alone. There was a small gathering of doctors on break watching the snow on the roof so she fled back down the stairs. She went into the lounge, but found people had decided to get coffee while she was up on the roof. Hopelessly, she made her way out the ambulance bay doors and collapsed into the blankets surrounding the city in exhaustion from her excavation for a vacation spot. Laying in the middle of the road enclosed by snow. There she lay, crying, oblivious of everything going on around her. To herself, she was alone.

Susan came out in time for what she thought would be a usual trauma run, but instead she came out just in time to see a reckless driving rig versus a depressed doctor. Susan's eyes widened at the sight of a high speed rig butchering her best friend's petit body. More people came out to get the incoming trauma, but were unaware of the appalling sight underneath. Doctors and nurses blew by Susan, but she didn't move. She just stood there stiff with eyes never blinking at the red pouring out and destroying the once perfectly white snow.


	12. Chapter 12

**Revelation**

"Susan? Susan?"  
A blank stare pointed straight into the wreckage under the ambulance.  
"Susan? SUSAN!"  
She jumped in fright at the sound of something breaking her silence. Her head whipped around quickly to the noise's source. Her lips moved but no sound came out. Sam's eyes zoomed to Susan's face in a questionable manner.  
"What?"  
Again, movement, but no sound. Sam glanced towards the ambulance, but not at the snow. She shook her head as if asking Susan what she saw. Susan looked again at the blood staining the snow. Sam looked around. Susan collapsed into hysterical tears on the iced over sidewalk. Sam dropped to her level and held her as she quivered then helped her up slowly and dragged her inside, tears still flooding her eyes which started back at the blood-stained mess only wishing the words would pour out as fast as the tears were.

Finally inside and situated stiff straight up on a bed, Susan's eyes wouldn't move from the window leading outside. Sam started walking away when Susan grabbed her arm and a yelp came out.  
"NO!"  
Sam jerked around in surprise that Susan spoke.  
"What is it? What happened?"  
Stuttering and shivering, she found it almost impossible for the sentences to flow.   
"O-O-O-O-O-OUT-OUT-O-O-SI-SI-SIDE!"  
"What? What's outside, Susan?" It scared her to see Susan so distraught and not be able to help or even know what she was so distraught about.  
"A-A-A-A-A-AM-AM-AMB-AM-LAN-LAN-CE"  
"Ambulance?" Susan nodded with fear still in her eye. "What about the ambulance?"  
"S-S-SN-SN-S-S-SNOW!"  
"Susan, I don't get this."  
"B-B-B-B-L-LO-BLO-BLOOD!"  
"Blood in the snow?" Susan nodded again. "Whose blood, Susan? Susan? Whose blood is it?"  
"A-A-A-A-A-AAAAAAAAAAHH! AHHHH!"  
"SUSAN! WHOSE BLOOD IS IT!" Flashbacks drained her mind as pictures of the accident repeated in her head.  
"AAHH!"  
"SUSAN!"  
"AAAAAABBY!" 

Sam's eyes jolted to Susan's petrified face. She ran outside and looked at the snow. Blood. Pouring out from beneath the vehicle. Sam felt her voice fading away in shock, but turned around to scream for a gurney. She ran to the rig and, with all her might, tried tipping it over, but, of course, it wouldn't budge. Jake, running out with a gurney, saw Sam and the blood and the icicles frozen from her eyes and dashed to help tip the rig. Once it was out of the way, their eyes met on a severely trounced figure which somewhat appeared to be a body. Jake didn't get it because Susan and Sam were the only two who knew it was Abby. She hauled the form onto the gurney and ramed it inside. Doctors and surgeons were called into action. Susan and Sam were too traumatized to go into the room where drills and cranks were being used to massacre her body even more. Hours would pass before any progress would be made towards keeping her wrecked, but still live, body fuctionable. But it only took about 45 minutes for anyone to make out whose face it was. Jake, still in the room doing all he could to save this patient, was unaware of who "this patient" was. Carter looked down after wiping layer and layer of blood, snow, dirt, and disattached skin off of the face, and saw the innocent eyes of his past love. He glanced up sadly at Jake who was working hard as ever without even knowing he was working on his girlfriend.  
"Jake. Get out."  
"What?" He looked up at Carter and expected to see a hateful face as he did the day before, expected to hear him say it because he was mad at him still and wanted to show of his superiority. Instead he saw a face close to tears and could only wonder what had made him so sad so fast.  
"Jake. Out." After much hesitation, he decided to tell him the truth. "Jake. It's Abby."  
Jake's knees buckled and he plummeted to the trauma room floor.

Hours passed which felt like days. The three just sat there on Susan's bed outside of Abby's trauma room until Carter came out of the room soaked in Abby's blood and his own sweat. His face told it all. Susan was the first to speak because she had been a doctor the longest, she could read the faces and know what was going to be said.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Susan slumped into Carter's arms as he caressed her hair and back. As she spoke, the words were muffled, seeing as each syllable was going through his shirt into his chest.  
"This can't be happening! I saw it! I saw her! She can't be gone!"  
Carter spoke no words, but instead kept holding her weak body. He looked up at Jake who had not moved an inch. He was just sitting there as if waiting for Carter to say what happened. He didn't let it strike him that she was dead. Gone. Forever.


	13. Chapter 13

**Recurrence**

Jake woke up alone. Again. It was becoming an undesired consistency. Rolling over with a cool sweat running through his hair line. Regrets. Dreams. Nightmares. He regretted his last confrontation with her. She was mad at him. He, once again, blamed himself for her accident. Somehow the fight was his fault and that set Abby off and eventually killed her. He dreamt about her. Not just dreams, nightmares. He dreamt of how it happened. He hadn't seen it, so in his mind he could only imagine what the accident looked like. He hoped it was something less violent than he pictured, but figured there was no way it could have been. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days. He realized we take time for granted. We take everything for granted. He wished he realized this sooner. If only once more he could have told her he loved her. Once more he could've held her soft hand and kissed her sweet cheek. Just once more. But his time was up before he even knew he had it. She was gone before he knew she was there. It seemed everything he lived for, his entire world, had been smothered under an ambulance tire. Bent and broken. Ruined. Everything.

Carters eyes pried open and glanced around the dark room. Thoughts blurred through his mind. Seeing her face. Innocence. He could only pray that she didn't suffer. He knew that wasn't the case, but still he tried to convince himself it was. Regret. He regretted starting a fight with Jake. He knew in hurting Jake he was hurting her. He knew she loved Jake. Though he hated to admit it, he knew she did. Jealousy. He loved her too. But it was the fight that killed her. The fight that he started. He killed her. He would give anything to get her back, but he couldn't. He decided to buy some flowers and decorate her locker in a memorial-like way. It was the least he could do.

Jake decided to call in sick today. Heart broken-ness had to be a disease somewhere, so technically he was sick. Enough time passed until he was able to get out of bed and walk over to his kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Choices. He could make his favorite, costa rican blend with a hint of cinnamon, or Abby's favorite which he always kept in stock, the blandest highest caffeine-bearing coffee known to man. He chose Abby's black, sugarless, creamless, bland tasting coffee. Surprisingly, he loved every drop. Not the taste, but the feeling. He could taste her. For those 10 minutes that the cup lasted, Abby was with him. Lingering in his mouth.

Carter walked in with a fluffy bouquet of lillies in his hand. Miss Responsible, more commonly known as Susan, was already 15 minutes early and on her rounds when Carter entered.   
"Hey, Carter! Who are the flowers for?"  
"Oh, hey, Susan. Abby." He said with a somewhat droned tone.  
"Oh, well that's sweet."  
"Yeah, I figured it was the least I could do after what happened. Have you seen Jake? I wanted to see how he was holding up."  
"Um… he called in sick."  
"Oh, figures." He sensed the conversation had died down, so he left and emerged into the lounge, flowers in hand.  
5 traumas and patients waiting in triage for over 6 hours was reason enough for Jake to stop being sick and get to work "stat". Walking into the lounge, he saw Carter carrying flowers. He walks up to him and speaks for the first time all day.  
"Thanks for getting me out of there yesterday."  
Carter heard the voice and turned around. "I knew you wouldn't want to see that. It would've just made it 100 worse."  
"But you didn't have to do it. Thanks."  
"Any day. How are you holding up?"  
"As well as can be expected. You?"  
"It's hard. I'll admit it. I just wish I could've said some things to her I never said. I wish she went through a less painful way."  
"Yea. So um… are those for Abby?"  
The sound of her name blew knives into their hearts. Carter looked at the bouquet hanging towards the ground. "These? Oh, yeah. I think I'm just going to put them on her locker."  
"Good idea. She would've loved them."

A swing of the lounge doors broke up the awkward silence that had been lingering between the two men.  
"Come on, guys! We have patients stacked out the doors!" An irritated voice projected into the room. The two men both looked up and wore the same exact expression. Confusion. After staring at the speaker for several long seconds, which very well might have been hours, one of them finally spoke.  
"Abby?"  
"Yes, Jake?" No response from Jake nor Carter who both still sat on the couch in complete confusion.  
"What? What do you need?" Still, nothing. "Ooook. Then would you guys get out there and try to help?"  
Carter glared at the bruise lining the side of Abby's face. After more seconds of no words, Abby gave up and left the lounge in a huff. Carter and Jake stared at each other. Finally, words came out.  
"Was that really her?"  
Carter just as equally confused could only respond "Yeah. I think it was. Jake?"  
"Yeah?" Jake replied, still wearing his confused stare.  
"A few weeks ago. Remember when you brought Abby into the hospital."  
"Yeah."  
"And you said you knew it would happen. You said you'd seen it before. That you knew it was coming."  
"Yeah." Jake was just getting more confused with each word Carter spoke, not knowing where exactly he was going with the story.  
"Well, was it like this? Abby looks just like she did the morning of the day she… died…"  
Now changing his tone from confusion to understanding he answered "Yeah."  
"So how'd you do it?"  
"Do what?"  
"Save her."  
After a long pause of thought, he concluded "I don't remember…"  
"Well you better remember soon… because we have to do it again. But this time, we're together."


	14. Chapter 14

**Changing Tomorrow**

Nothing is scarier than knowing that by the end of the day, your girlfriend will be dead. Jake and Carter sat hopelessly in the lounge thinking and rethinking of a way they could prevent Abby from dieing the most brutal death possible. But they were thinking only of how they would keep her from getting hit by the rig as opposed to thinking how to keep her from getting so upset that she needed to escape into the ambulance bay. The problem was that neither Jake nor Carter knew why she was in the bay, so they couldn't know how to stop her from going there. After several paces across the lounge floor and many unsuccessful ideas, Carter decided to stretch the limits.  
"Jake, we have to ask them."  
"Ask who what?"  
"Everyone. We have to know if they saw it too."

It may be the closest thing they'd seen to progress all day. Despite all the orders Abby had given them to get to work, they had sat in that room all afternoon. On the way out the door, Abby passed in between the two guys too quickly for them to see the fearful shock draining through her face. Before the door could even close, Abby had her locker wide and her hand slapping around on the shelf too high for her eyes to see. Jake turned around, and, now separated by the door, hinted a small saddened smile towards Abby's back.

They approached Sam in the admit area to see if she knew what they knew. Sam was left with a blank stare and the impression that two of the ER's doctors had gone insane.  
"What are you saying!"  
"Abby! Did you see her yesterday?"  
"…Yea…?"  
"Did you see her die?"  
"Are you guys ok?"  
"Yea, we're fine… we just wanted to know who else saw her."

Before Sam could come up with an answer, Jake heard Susan in the back of his head.  
"What's the ETA? … 1 minute? … Ok great!"  
Jake played and replayed his 'dream' in his head. Susan. Ambulance. Abby. Ambulance bay. His eyes went larger than ever when he heard the ambulance bay doors open and sirens getting louder from in the distance. He dashed to the door, looked up into the road at the red lights bouncing off the walls speeding straight towards the hospital. Susan looked at him, confused as to why he couldn't breath. He looked into the snow and Susan's eyes followed. Her face fell to pieces at the site, her jaw hitting the ground and shattering. Jake leapt of the sidewalk towards the hidden figure and let out a cry so loud you could hear it in St. Louis.  
"AAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYY!"  
Carter heard the name and jolted to the door to see Abby in the snow, Jake diving towards her, an ambulance rig recklessly approaching the huddle, and a fear stricken Susan as witness to it all.


	15. Chapter 15

**You Can't Hide It**

His eyes pried open. He glared around the blurry room. He cringed at the pain of moving his body. His eyes closed. Her eyes opened just enough to clearly see the end of the bed she was in. She glanced over at the man in the bed next to her. Slowly, she swung her legs over the side of her bed and staggered over to the man's side. She picked up his chart and read the page thinking to herself that he won't be awake for hours thanks to all the drugs they gave him. She scooped his hair in between her fingers and kissed his forehead, then walked away.

"Abby, you need to stay in bed."  
Abby's head raised to see a figure in the doorway.  
"I was just checking to see how he was doing."  
"I know. I saw you." Carter smiled because he had been standing in that doorway for hours just watching Abby sleep.  
"In the bed, darling."  
Standing next to her bed with her back to Carter, Abby looked down with a sense of worry as if wondering why Carter called her darling. She laid down and looked up into this brown eyes walking towards her.  
"Carter? What happened?"  
Carter looked at Jake then back at Abby. Instead of answering her question, he asked "What were you doing laying in the ambulance bay? What's going on?"  
Abby stared at Carter long and hard like it would ge3t him to take back his question. Finally she looked down at the sheet draped over her legs. Silently and subtly, tears started to drown her eyes. Carter noticed and droped down quickly to her level to comfort her. He wrapped his arms around her frail figure s she buried her eyes into his shoulder.  
"I saw him, John. I thought I saw him."  
"Who?"  
"I thought he came here. I thought he found me."  
"Who, Abby?"  
"The man from the street."  
"Who is he, Abby? Why would he want to find you?"  
"He doesn't want to find me, he wants to kill me!"  
"Abby, what happened? Relax and try to tell me what happened."  
She breathed in as deep as she could then leaned back to look Carter in the eyes.  
"Two nights ago. I was walking home. Someone was following me. I ran away. It's ok, I'm fine."  
Carter cut her off. "You don't look fine."  
Abby disregarded his comment and continued. "I got inside, but, before I did, I turned. I saw his face. And I swear I saw that face on a pacient yesterday. I was so scared when I got home. I couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I messed up, John."  
"How? How'd you mess up?"  
"I promised you I wouldn't drink anymore."  
"It's ok, Abby." Abby's sad eyes reflected into Carter's as they sat and looked at each other for what felt like hours. In a momentary lapse of judgment, Abby leaned in and kissed Carter who didn't do anything close to stopping her. There they sat, on Abby's bed, with Carter's arms enclosing Abby's body into his, making out in the darkness. They were both so focused on what was happening that neither of them heard nor saw Jake sit up in his bed.


	16. Chapter 16

**The First Time's Never the Last**

"Jake, come on let me talk to you. Just let me explain!"  
"You know, I never really understood why people said that. What is there to explain? I saw it. I know what happened."  
Abby continued after Jake storming down the hall.  
"No, just --! It wasn't what it looked like!"  
Jake kept walking without looking at Abby.  
"Oh, no? It wasn't two ex-lovers, neither of which are over each other, secretly making out on your bed? No? It wasn't you sitting 5 feet from ME and yet reuniting with your ex-boyfriend who still loves you?"  
"No!"  
"So what was it? The two of you having an innocent conversation and it just… happened! You were upset and he was comforting you? Right?"  
"Jake--"  
"It's ok. I figured something was happening."  
"No, Jake! Nothing was happening! This was the first time!"  
"Well, don't let me be the reason it's the last!"  
"Jake!"  
Jake reached the Ambulance Bay doors and Abby decided it was too cold to go chasing him through the snow in her hospital gown. Luka and Abby exchanged a glance, Luka shaking his head in shame and Abby awkwardly trying to find something to look at. Luka walked out the doors.  
"Jake! You can't leave yet! You're still very injured! You need to stay for a little longer! Jake, come back in, don't be stupid!"  
Ignoring Luka's attempt to get him to stay, Jake headed towards the El, still holding his shoes and buttoning his shirt. Abby turned around at the admit desk and saw Carter staring at her from down the hallway.

A few days later, Abby walked into Doc Magoo's for lunch. A voice came from behind her.  
"You're late."  
She turned around to see the speaker partially hidden behind a menu.  
"You're early." Abby walked over to the booth seat being saved for her. She started to ask him what he wanted, but was immediately cut off.  
"Abby, what happened?"  
She looked up shocked that the question had been asked and couldn't find an answer for it. Looking around as if searching for an answer, she retreated back to gazing into his deep brown eyes. They both knew something was going on, something they both wanted, but neither of them was brave enough to say it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Dirty Little Secret**

Everyone assumed everything was fine. Carter would walk into work each day holding Abby's hand, and her smile seemed real. But no one ever noticed her fast glances towards Luka and his glares back at her. Carter certainly didn't notice. After 3 months of what seemed like pure glee, the couple walked in through the automatic doors holding hands, as always. They were on their way into the lounge, like every day, when Luka called out to Abby.

"Abby I need your help. Can you come to Curtain 2?"

A slight smile escaped through her lips, but she covered it quickly. "I'll be right there!" she answered and headed towards Luka. Carter took her snowy jacket, hat, and scarf set into the lounge for her with only happiness running through his mind.

Susan ran her finger down the admit board searching for her patient. No one was around, so, for an instant, there was silence. From behind the curtain, she could hear Luka quietly yelling at whoever was in the closed curtain with him. She stepped a little closer to hear what he was saying.

"I told you you have to stop this!"

Then the voice that was too quite for Susan to recognize only replied with "Luka!"

"I don't want this to be a secret! I'm sick of hiding it, ok?"

"Luka, let go! I told you I'll tell him!"

"When?"

"It's hard--"

"Why? Do you love him? What are you doing, Abby!"

Susan was shocked and hurried back into the admit area to make sure no one knew she was listening. The curtain opened and Abby walked out holding her forearm and doing a good job of covering up the tears welling up in her eyes. Susan played along in her game and just let her walk away.

A few hours later, Susan saw Carter call to Abby who was down the hall a little way. She turned around and put on her good impression of a smile, the one she had been wearing a lot recently when talking to Carter. Susan flashed a little grin then looked behind Abby in the hallway. She saw Luka standing as if waiting to continue his conversation with Abby. He wasn't mad now, he was quite the opposite. He appeared as if he couldn't be happier. Something was up, Susan knew it.

Abby spun around, told Luka good night, then headed down the hallway towards Carter. He had her jacket, hat, and scarf in hand and was ready to leave. She dressed up in her winter assortment then took Carter's hand and left the hospital. A step before the doors could close behind her, she dashed her head around and sent a guilty look towards Luka, then continued on her way with Carter.

Susan walked into the restroom the next day and found Abby standing in front of the mirror applying her make up.

"Make up at work? That's a new one!"

"Not now, Susan, please!"

Susan was stunned and jolted her head towards Abby only to notice her panicked expression.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Abby stopped applying her make up and pretended to do something else, but Susan wouldn't leave.

"Abby, what's up?"

Abby let out a fake sigh of laughter and repeated "No really, it's nothing big." She continued putting on her foundation. Susan looked over and let out a similar laugh.

"Ha! Nice hickey! Good job, Carter!"

Abby's fake smile almost dropped, but she caught herself before it was too late. "Ha! Yeah!"

Abby put her make up back into her lab coat pocket and left the bathroom in a second. Susan watched her back leave so quickly and could only wonder, again, what was going on?

When she left the restroom, she could hear Luka and Abby talking down the hallway.

"You need to tell him today. This is going to be hard to hide for a long time."

"But today? I mean, Luka --"

"Today!"'

Abby sighed and walked away where she saw Susan quickly turning around to hide that she had been listening.

"What are you doing?"

"Just coming out of the bathroom, why?"

"Were you listening to us!"

"No, why? Is there some kind of _SECRET _between you two?"

She said it with such an angry tone that Abby knew Susan knew something was up. Abby was hesitant to answer, but after grinding her teeth for a few seconds, replied "Not for long. It'll be resolved soon." She stormed past Susan down the hallway, pissed that Susan had the nerve to listen in on her conversations. Susan grabbed her arm as she passed.

"Abby that's not from Carter is it?"

"Let go of my arm!"

"And he doesn't know, does he?"

Abby didn't respond.

"Abby, what's going on! Why do you have to keep some dirty secret! Why can't you tell someone? Carter? Or me!"

"You have no idea if I have a "dirty secret" and if I did, I wouldn't tell anyone! Hence the word SECRET!"

She dashed off again, and when she got to admit she yelled towards Frank that she was taking her break. She stepped into the lounge and, a few seconds later, walked out again with Carter.

They were only gone for about 15 minutes, but she said all she needed to for Carter to get the picture. Carter came back into work, but Abby wasn't with him. Luka looked over at the door opening and could tell by how mad Carter was that Abby told him. He was kind of happy. In his pocket, his cell phone started ringing. He took it out and read the name across the screen. "Abby."

"Hello?"

Her voice was shallow as if her mouth wasn't moving much, but he could still faintly hear her words. "Luka?"

"Yeah? Abby? What do you need? Where are you?"

"Doc Magoo's"

"What do you need?"

She hung up. Luka walked across the snowy street to the little café. He went inside, but she wasn't at any table or the bar. He walked up to the counter and asked the lady if she had seen a short girl, long, brown hair, and a tall man, short brown come in here. She said she had, but they had left about 10 minutes ago, and he had seemed pretty mad. He ran out of the front doors and around the restaurant before finding Abby laying in the snow in the back.


	18. Chapter 18

**Broken**

"Abby, don't move! Help will be here in a minute!"

Luka fumbled his phone out of his pocket and called the hospital.

"ER County General."

"Frank? It's Luka! I need a gurney behind Doc Magoo's right now!"

He let the phone fall to the floor then looked down at Abby's hand tangled around his. Her eyes met his and he could see the fear in her face. He wanted to know what happened, but he knew now wasn't the time to talk. He took off his lab coat and laid it on top of her shivering body.

"Abby, it's gonna be ok. Someone will be here soon."

She simply nodded. Luka's head sprung up when he heard gurney wheels rolling and Susan calling out Luka's name.

"Over here!"

She heard his cry and started running to him. Before looking at the ground, she started to ask "Whatcha got?" but mid-word, she looked down and saw Abby.

"Oh my god! What--"

Luka cut her off. "It doesn't matter right now, let's just get her inside."

Susan's frightened face met Luka's who was trying to hide his fear for Abby's sake. They hoisted her onto the gurney and quickly started running towards the hospital.

Susan tried to ask again. "Abby, what--"

Luka interrupted "Susan!"

She glared into Luka's eyes. "happened?"

"Carter"

Susan glanced down at Abby. "He's inside. We'll get him for you once we're inside, ok, sweetie?"

Abby responded a little restlessly. "No…no."

Confused, Susan looked up and saw Luka's guilty face. Her face exploded with shock. "Carter!"

Luka whispered to her. "I'm so sorry, Abby."

The rest of the walk to the hospital was silent. They got inside and pushed the dirty wheels to Trauma 1. Susan, Luka, Jake, and Sam worked on warming her up and discovering where all she was injured. When the x-rays came back, Susan took Luka outside the room.

"Luka, what happened to her!"

"Susan. I don't know."

"Well, you must know why Carter did this!"

Luka just looked away. Susan pulled out the films and held them up to the ceiling light.

"Broken nose. Broken cheek. 3 broken ribs." Susan pointed at Abby lying in the trauma room. "OBVIOUS wrist fracture!--"

"Stop."

"Luka!"

"Susan! I feel bad enough already! …it was my fault."

"How? What happened?"

He hesitated to answer, searching for exactly what he should say.

"I told her she had to break up with him."  
"Why!"

Luka erupted. "'Cause I'm tired of having this secret!"

Susan didn't say anything. She couldn't. She just let out a short, disappointed laugh.

"You're sleeping with her, aren't you!"

Luka didn't even move his eyes away from hers.

"Oh my god! Luka!"

"What?"

"What! She has a boyfriend! How long?"

"What?"

"How long have you guys been sleeping together?"

"I don't know. A few weeks?"

"How many is 'a few'?"

"Like…5?"

The disappointed laugh again. "5 weeks…"


	19. Chapter 19

**Lingering Pain**

"Susan knows."

"Everyone's gonna know soon. People are gonna wonder why this happened. And people are probably gonna notice we're together, aren't they?"

"Not if you don't want them to. Listen, I messed up. And I'm so sorry."  
"Luka. I told you. It wasn't your fault."

He dragged his fingers through the front strands of her dark brown, silky hair.

"Only a week until my cast comes off."

"You sure you'll be ready that fast? I mean, it might hurt still when the cast comes off. And your face will probably still hurt some too. Not to mention your ribs. How do your ribs feel now?"

"I'll be ready. I've been waiting long enough."

Luka smiled at Abby's small grin. He leaned down towards her face and their lips met. Abby's face scrunched up in pain.

"Cheek hurt?"

"Just a little bit. I can take it."

"Are you sure?" Abby let out a laugh.

"Would you stop asking me that!" She picked her head up off of the pillow and pulled Luka's face towards hers.

Jake erased another name off of the board. "When are we getting Carter back? We really need a few more doctors."

"I don't know. Quite frankly, I don't think he's what we need right now."  
"Oh, Susan, you can't be serious! You honestly think she didn't do something to deserve it!"

"What do you think she did?"

"I don't know what she did, but it must've been something. The little bitch could've come up with anything. She deserved it, I'm sure."

"You know, you put on this big show like you're trying to prove to everyone that you hate her after what happened, but you know what I think? I don't think you hate her at all. I think you're still upset about losing her more than you're upset about what she did to you."

Jake tried to come up with something witty to respond with. "Oh, is that so? Well, I think you're wrong. And I also think we're down 2 doctors and flooded with patients and somebody should be working on them." Jake grabbed a chart and proceeded to exam 2 with a scowl across his face.

Susan looked into triage and scanned the rows upon rows of injured and aching people. She walked over to the desk phone and contemplated picking it up. Finally she grabbed the handle and punched in a few numbers.

Luka could hear his pager going off in his coat pocket out in the living room. He lifted his head and looked into Abby's eyes. He could tell she didn't want him to leave.

"One second." Luka swung his feet onto the floor and started walking towards the living room, but still threw one smiling glance towards Abby.

From the bedroom, Abby could hear Luka on the phone in her kitchen.

"I'm off today… No, I can't come in… Can't you find anyone else?... Come on, Susan, I worked all night… No, I--… Fine, fine. I'll be in in 20 minutes."

The phone slammed against the hook. Abby put her hands to her forehead and pressed on her face as she rubbed her fingers back and forth across her eyebrows.

"I'm sorry."

With her hands still covering her eyes, she responded. "No, it's ok. It's not your fault… I can come in later. I'll just grab a shower and a coffee and I can come in."

"No, I don't want you to do that. You shouldn't be working."

"I need to work. I've been sitting around here for over a month. I'm bored. You go ahead in now and I'll be in soon."

Luka knew he couldn't change her mind, so he let out a sigh and replied "Ok. See you then."

He walked over to the bed where Abby was still laying and kissed her, then smiled and turned around and, coat in hand, left the apartment.

Abby watched him walk away until the door was shut, then she sat up in her bed and walked towards the kitchen. She pulled open a drawer and slid a Ziploc bag out of a cardboard box. Then she took a step to the freezer, opened the door, reached in, and put a few ice cubes into her bag. Gently holding the bag to her face, she proceeded to the bathroom where she slipped out of the pajamas she didn't have time to change out of before Luka got home (because she was still asleep) and stepped into the practically empty bath tub, careful not to get her cast wet. Once the mirror was sufficiently steamed, the phone began to ring. Abby stood up out of the bath and grabbed the towel sitting nearby then started speed-walking towards the phone while still wrapping her towel around her torso. It only took a few steps across the tile floor with her dripping wet feet for her to slip and fall smack on her back.

After falling, Abby just lay there while the phone continued to ring. A few seconds later, a beep rang through the room and the voice followed.

"Abby? Are you there? Ok, so I either missed you or you're in the bath… anyway, I was thinking that after work we could go over to my place. So if you want to, and you need anything tonight, bring it with you when you come… unless you've already left in which case you'll be getting this message when you get home from my place… and I'm gonna stop wasting your answering machine tape now… I'll see you soon, I guess… I love you…"

Another beep was proof that the message was over. Abby still lay unable to move from her uncomfortable sprawl across the kitchen floor. Tears now subtly meshing with shower droplets on her face, she prayed that she could either get up when the pain subsided soon or that Luka would come home when he noticed she hadn't shown up at work yet. Either way, she was going to have to wait for some time, and while she waited all she could do was cry in pain.


End file.
